I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
