I am in a vortex of obligation.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Terrible idea I love it
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
