Sponge bath it is.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
