o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I could make wine with my vomit
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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