Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize