would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize