well you can't waste a boner
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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