Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
