i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
my shit smells like andre
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
