anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
