It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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