Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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