Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
