My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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