@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
