so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
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So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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