i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
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Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
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Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.