bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.