Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are

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(512): I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are http://tfl.nu/go0u

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(307): View more from Wyoming

burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef

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(307): burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef http://tfl.nu/mi4v

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(612): View more from Minnesota

I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

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(612): I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical http://tfl.nu/u7u5

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(971): View more from Oregon

the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?

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(971): the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together? http://tfl.nu/xjvt

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(269): View more from Michigan

He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.

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(269): He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better. http://tfl.nu/o020

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(303): View more from Colorado

mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him

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(303): mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him http://tfl.nu/uw49

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(317): View more from Indiana

I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.

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(317): I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once. http://tfl.nu/p9x8

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense

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(920): I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense http://tfl.nu/23hg

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(214): View more from Texas

Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.

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(214): Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman. http://tfl.nu/itkd

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.

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(814): I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer. http://tfl.nu/ef74

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(269): View more from Michigan

I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch

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(269): I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch http://tfl.nu/4tdt

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(302): View more from Delaware

She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.

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(302): She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before. http://tfl.nu/kra3

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.

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(832): I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship. http://tfl.nu/02yh

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(240): View more from Maryland

SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP

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(240): SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP http://tfl.nu/udxy

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(801): View more from Utah

How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?

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(801): How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service? http://tfl.nu/0xho

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