Texts From Last Night

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  (630): View more from Illinois

  If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.

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  (630): If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her. http://tfl.nu/sljo
  Replies (30) Good night (575) Bad night (2360)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour

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  (503): That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour http://tfl.nu/3dpl
  Replies (8) Good night (2504) Bad night (1029)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.

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  (419): it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants. http://tfl.nu/uvta
  Replies (40) Good night (3210) Bad night (642)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I wasted some perfectly good semen on her

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  (814): I wasted some perfectly good semen on her http://tfl.nu/b11w
  Replies (17) Good night (1000) Bad night (5086)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad

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  (317): The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad http://tfl.nu/cny5
  Replies (20) Good night (3603) Bad night (1092)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."

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  (479): He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana." http://tfl.nu/t5zw
  Replies (35) Good night (1714) Bad night (4134)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.

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  (916): Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity. http://tfl.nu/tb29
  Replies (4) Good night (3178) Bad night (979)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.

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  (713): We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager. http://tfl.nu/qy4e
  Replies (11) Good night (2552) Bad night (847)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"

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  (813): It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman" http://tfl.nu/5ocz
  Replies (9) Good night (1793) Bad night (839)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...

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  (317): Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ... http://tfl.nu/clq5
  Replies (6) Good night (857) Bad night (1826)
• Favorite

  (914): View more from New York

  We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.

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  (914): We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo. http://tfl.nu/ouwj
  Replies (25) Good night (4284) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (909): View more from California

  I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.

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  (909): I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today. http://tfl.nu/n0ax
  Replies (4) Good night (1178) Bad night (456)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.

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  (208): Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea. http://tfl.nu/vb43
  Replies (7) Good night (1041) Bad night (597)
• Favorite

  (219): View more from Indiana

  I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.

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  (219): I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night. http://tfl.nu/4hgv
  Replies (7) Good night (437) Bad night (1280)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.

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  (847): It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later. http://tfl.nu/lbnp
  Replies (0) Good night (503) Bad night (220)

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