This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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