I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.