So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
