I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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