Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
