So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
