Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
