did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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