Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
this hospital has no fireball
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
