when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
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