There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
