I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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