More tranny stories later!
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
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he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
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If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
me + whiskey = a bad person
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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