Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
