The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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