Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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