i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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