chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
