Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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