it's like iHOP with fire
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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