I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
