You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
