Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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