Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
