As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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