you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
