Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
