does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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