Nicole vs. Life
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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