My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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