What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
