Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
