Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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