white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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