Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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