my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize