So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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