Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
