i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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