I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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