i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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