I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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