everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
