So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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