need another drink. this is the easiest way
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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