Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book