I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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