xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.