After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.