M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You Will Never Meet Anyone More Annoying Than These 23 People
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee