He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.