Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.