so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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