That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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