Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
