I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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