Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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