Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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