i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
