the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
