I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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