it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
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I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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