were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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