My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
