Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
