When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
