Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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