how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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