i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
